Greetings from the caffeinated chaos of the Extreme Human Performance garage...

Where the smell of cold plunge ozone mingles with espresso and the faint ghost of ammonia caps.
This is where science meets absurdity—and somehow makes you feel better by lunchtime.

Go online and you’ll find seventeen biohackers with no jobs, no deadlines, and no real sunlight.
​
Pale skin. Blue-light glasses. Wi-Fi strong enough to livestream their “4-hour morning routine.”​
​Bawwwww.

They’ll rave about “stacking protocols, bro!” and “crushing dopamine curves” before breakfast..
....all while mainlining affiliate links and existential dread.

But if you have a real life—a job, kids, deadlines, a dog (preferably a Corgi with the heart of a lion and the legs of a potato)—
you know darn well there’s zero time for that circus.

So what if I told you there’s a way to hijack the same biochemical chaos
​without turning your morning into a neurotic performance art piece?

A routine that actually returns your investment—
more energy, sharper focus, better fitness, and less stress in under an hour.

This is the result of 10 years of experiments on myself, my wife, and my M3 clients.
​
I call it H3C — short, savage, and scientifically sound.

Cue the music. Crank the caffeine.
Let’s break it down, home fry.

1️⃣ Hydrate

Argue with me all you want, but dehydration is the silent saboteur of your morning momentum.

You spend 8 hours courting sheep and leaking vapor like a busted radiator.
Most clients stop fluids 3 hours before bed,
which means you’re running an 11-hour desert expedition between bedtime and breakfast.

No wonder your neurons wake up like zombies in a sandstorm.

So before the coffee IV drip—water up.

2️⃣ Cardio

Yeah, yeah. Half of you just groaned. “Cardio?!”

Relax. I’m not asking you to morph into a Lycra-clad hamster.
The goal is to make your engine more efficient.

Better aerobic capacity = faster recovery = more total work = more muscle + more power + less fatigue.

You don’t need to abandon the barbell altar.
You just need to sprinkle in the dark art of Meathead Cardio.

Here’s the quick-and-dirty version — the Progressive 6 Protocol:

Get your carcass on a rower or assault bike.
Start at RPE 5, end at RPE 9.
Exactly 6 minutes.

No warm-up unless your joints feel like the Tinman after a night at the dive bar.

Do this 6 days per week and your VO₂ max will rise like a phoenix on pre-workout.

No rower? Run.
Just don’t sound like a herd of stampeding wildebeests.

3️⃣ Cold

Now that your mitochondria are humming, it’s time to drop the hammer of thermodynamic chaos.

Cold exposure — 1–5 minutes post-cardio —
turns your nervous system into a dopamine-charged nuclear reactor.

If you’ve got a plunge, use it.
If not, cold shower.
Or at minimum, wash your face in glacial water and curse me later.

Early data even shows that cold immersion may enhance mitochondrial function via PGC-1α upregulation.

My own chest-freezer plunge has been running six years, patched together with duct tape, ozone, and blind faith. Still works.

4️⃣ Coffee

Finally — the reward.
The dark elixir of life.
No, not ayahuasca, you psychedelic otter-scrubbing forest sprite — coffee.

I’m not telling you to wait 90 minutes like the Huberman cult.
I’m telling you to earn it.

Hydrate → Cardio → Cold → THEN Coffee.

The first sip post-plunge hits harder than revelation.
The sun looks brighter. You can smell colors.

If you’re an overachiever, take that mug outside for some AM sunlight.
Then channel that clarity into something that matters.

Write. Create. Solve.
Don’t waste your dopaminergic peak doom-scrolling TikTok like a goldfish with Wi-Fi.

Personally, I use this time to hammer out these newsletters—
sand timer ticking, Brain.fm humming, espresso fueling the madness.

🧠 Summary

Total time — including setup, transitions, and brewing: ≈45 minutes.

Yeah, that’s an investment.

But you’re not wasting time—you’re compounding focus, energy, and resilience.

Can’t hit all five every day? Fine.
Do it twice a week. Stack wins.
Progress, not perfection.

There’s no “optimal” morning routine.
There’s only what works long enough to change your physiology.

Some days I’ll add meditation, red light, or nootropics like Qualia Mind.​
Lately, I’ve been experimenting with the Shiftwave Chair —
a nervous system reprogrammer that looks like it came from a crashed UFO.

Other days?
It’s just fluids, caffeine, and chaos.
That’s life.

Just get back to it tomorrow.

Your Turn

What’s your AM chaos ritual look like?
Hit reply — I’d love to hear it.

Much love,
Dr. Mike

PS: Assume the links above are affiliate links. They fund my coffee habit and cold-plunge ozone maintenance.
PS 2: The Phys Flex Cert opens this Monday, October 13.​
You’ll learn exactly how to build the physiology that makes this kind of chaos sustainable

_____________________

Mike T Nelson CISSN, CSCS, MSME, PhD
Associate Professor, Carrick Institute
Owner, Extreme Human Performance, LLC
Editorial Board Member, STRONG Fitness Mag

Mike T Nelson is a PhD and not a physician or registered dietitian. The contents of this email should not be taken as medical advice. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any health problem - nor is it intended to replace the advice of a physician. Always consult your physician or qualified health professional on any matters regarding your health.

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